As the year-end is coming upon us,   I think about a time in my life when I had decided this is it, this time I am definitely going to give up smoking.  I already worked in a stressful environment and many of my friends smoked.  Well guess what stressful event happened on that day – September 11, 2001 and I remember wanting to use it as an excuse to wait another day to quit.  Then I was real with myself, that the truth is when you are in addiction or trying to make a change for the better there will always be something to keep you where your are – something to use as an excuse and when it comes down to it, the reality of making it to the other side – a  better place will not be easy...but it will be worth it. 

As I find myself in a different place in my life now I often reflect back on my experience with quitting smoking.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done- even when I did quit, the truth is I didn't want to,  I enjoyed it very much.  But the reality was that it had me and my life hostage- somewhere a line was crossed and the control was not in my hands and now I had to give it to God.  Moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, one week at a time it lost its power over me and I gained a little more control.  At the beginning,  going without a cigarette was the worst thing I could imagine – some days I went to bed really early just to be able to make it through another day.  In the end God was faithful – its been almost 10 years 100% smoke free and my life is good – its wonderful and no longer are cigarettes a concern, priority, thought etc... But other things come into my life to take that place and to play the old “cigarette” role.  Some are deceptive and tricky while others at times are obvious.  Either way there is nothing that can fill that emptiness or satisfy that craving/hunger except Christ and I am on a journey seeking to understand what that really means. 

Now that I have the head knowledge I beg for the real understanding of what that means and what it looks like in action.  I think it is daily, moment by moment surrender to the will and direction of the Holy Spirit for we cannot be in the will of God and in sin at the exact same time – one has to go.  So, we must desire Christ with an intense desire for a new life in Him.  Our desire for Him has to become greater than our desire for whatever it might be that has it's grip on us or, at the least, a  desire for a desire for this to be so.

He has to become the object your very heart is fixed on.  I am almost finished with Proverbs and continue to get amazed how much it talks about the fool and what is foolish.  My actions are foolish many times, but the real fool does not take advice, chooses not to change, hears the warning, but does not listen (act on the information). So, I cry out -  God please equip me with what I need to rid myself of the things that hold me back from truly knowing and serving you.  Please cultivate, grow my desire to obey and trust you and give me the discipline and self control to act on it – the wisdom and perseverance to continue what you start hand in hand with you in the lead – allow me to let you be in control of every facet of my life.